23 November, 2008

"Go Ahead, I Asked..."

You may remember that a short while ago I posted about the movie Fireproof and how much my husband and I liked it. The premise of the movie is a forty day "love dare", or challenge, designed to be approached deliberately and with conscious commitment to make one's marriage stronger, it is based on scripture. I believe we already have a strong marriage but what was the harm in exploring this concept further? I decided to give it a try. It's a day to day process and my husband doesn't know that I am doing this. On day five this challenge was put forth: "Ask your spouse to tell you three things that cause him or her to be uncomfortable or irritated with you. You must do so without attacking them or justifying your behavior. This is from their perspective only." Hmmm. I wondered about this one and decided to just come right out and ask him. I assured him beforehand that I was going to ask him a question because I really, truly, wanted an honest opinion and there would be no negative repercussions. He just stared at me. He told me he couldn't think of anything I did that made him uncomfortable or irritated. He's a smart man. "Go ahead, I urged... it's OK, I asked". Nope, nothing. He said he'd think about it. Later on, at bedtime I crawled in wearing my favorite threadbare T-shirt and worn out pajama bottoms. "That's one thing you could change" he said, quietly. "Huh"? "You asked me to tell you three things, that's one". I was flabbergasted... I expected "you talk too much, you're opinionated, you worry too much"... something along those lines, but never considered a brutal review of my threadbare sleepwear! "Really?" I asked, incredulously, this is something that bothers you? "Yes, he went on, it's really a hodgpodge of things you pull out of that drawer to sleep in, don't you have anything nicer?" I laughed. "Sure I do, a few things, I don't know what I'm saving them for!" I guess I'll be putting together some things to make a run to Goodwill soon, I know that someone could use an otherwise perfectly good Tonight Show T-shirt!

Life is Good!


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15 comments:

leigh anna said...

god bless mr. goodneedle and his son!
if flake ever decides my old tee shirts and pj pants aren't good enough for bed....i might just have to tell him to get over it ... that or find another bed to sleep in! HA!

mr. g must not understand exactly how nice old shirts and broken in pj pants feel when you get in bed!

:)
i vote for asking him to come up with something better to change!

MARCIE said...

My husband hates my old flannel night gowns and he would love me to have long blonde hair like when I was 20. Ain't gonna happen. I do want him to like the way I look, but warmth is crucial, and I am NOT 20 anymore. Nice that they still see us that way tho!

KarenF said...

Save that shirt for when you go on retreats...and go shopping for a nice new surprise for Mr. Goodneedle! ;-)

Ancestor Collector said...

I sense some nice new jammies coming your way for Christmas! ;-)

I gave up the flannels a while back when I discovered that it's much easier to wear "nice" nightime attire now that the kids aren't living here anymore. ;-)

Hugs!

Salem Stitcher said...

You're a lot braver than I am. I'm afraid to ask that question. The list will be too long!

Shasta said...

I think you have the right attitude Mrs. G. A small change for the sake of your marriage will be well appreciated, and I'm sure you will be well rewarded for your efforts.

Tanya said...

You are so funny! I don't know if I dare ask my husband that question. But if it's Biblical... Good excuse to go buy something nice. Or better yet ask him to buy it for you.

Karen Dianne Lee said...

This is fantastic!

Nane said...

Maybe if Mr G would get a Mini Cooper instead of a sensible family car.....you could give up the t-shirt for something "sportier" too!

Teresa said...

Oh, I think that was sweet. Shows he is paying attention to you and what you wear and I am sure a lot of women would be very grateful if their husbands showed that much interst in their night time apparrel.

Quiltdivajulie said...

What a marvelous post to share... my DH shared a similar thought with me a few years ago (nothing to do with wishing I were younger or thinner or whatever)- he shared his concern because he sensed my sloppy, shabby, worn-out nightgowns as a part of the larger lack of caring for myself when my depression was so much deeper. And he was right. It takes those kinds of small steps to build a healthier, long-term relationship ~ and, while initially taken aback, I was grateful for his observation and insight. Love the trust exhibited between you and Mr. G...

Carrie P. said...

That is just to funny. You never know what I our husbands will say when we ask them questions like that.

quiltteacher said...

My DH, also has serious issues with my sleeping attire! But then I have issues with his t-shirts & boxers. So we are even!

SuBee said...

Oh wow - who woulda thought? That's such a compliment to you! I bet 95% of us sleep in something sloppy but oh so comfortable, and never thought that the guys would car much, let alone notice. Think I'll change my ways for myself!

Nan said...

I had to laugh when reading this post! I don't dare ask my husband that question - I'd be afraid of what he'd say!! I don't think it would be that he didn't like my sleepwear, I can assure you. You must be doing a great job as a wife, if that's the only thing he can come up with!