"Ask", it's a small word, but then again, it's HUGE to me. I have trouble asking for help, I always have. I like to do things myself, unassisted. I always felt that asking was a sign of weakness; or, perhaps, misappropriation of my own time. It wasn't until several years ago, during a Bible study, that I recognized the very act of NOT asking for help could be a sign of selfishness; of denying someone the opportunity to give back. This was the exact opposite reasoning I had ever hoped to convey to friends, family and acquaintances. I knew I had to let go of at least some of that drive to do everything myself, it wasn't easy though; it controlled me. Our Youth and Family Ministries Director at church had the fantastic idea, late last year, to create "quiet" activity bags for our youngest worshipers. They would be available to borrow from the narthex at the beginning of the service and returned to a waiting hook at the conclusion. She planned to fill them with picture books, coloring sheets, puzzles and crayons. She asked me if I would stitch the bags. "Of course", I answered. She then said she'd like to "letter" them, with puffy paint! I stopped her right there, we could do so much more than that. I went to my machine embroidery software and came up with a few font options for her approval. She LOVED that! But then, when she realized what might be available, she asked: "can you also stitch out our church logo on the bags"? Again, I answered, "yes". (... maybe a bit less enthusiastically this time, I knew that this would require digitizing the design and a huge allotment of time on my part...) Now, I procrastinated. The request sat on the back burner of my mind for a month, growing larger and more threatening every day. "Why did I say yes? Why do I over-commit, and then, torture myself?" I became preoccupied with guilt.
One afternoon I was leaving a meeting and I mentioned this "activity bag agreement" to a fellow committee member. He suggested that I call his Dad! He explained that his Dad, a retired engineer, had a new-found hobby: design work of the digitizing variety. It was now or never, I knew that I was being tested. I called Bob. "Yes", he happily replied, "I can do that for you"! He worked on it relentlessly, stitching out sample after sample, until he had it just right. One day he called me: "bring your memory stick over", he requested, "I'll upload it for you". My gratitude for his labor was only outweighed, if it's possible, by his delight in being asked to help. His son and wife have thanked me, repeatedly, for giving him this opportunity to be creative, productive, and needed. "You're welcome", I offered; and, you know what? I've never meant anything more; and, oh... it felt so good to say that!